Monday, October 17, 2011

Has your girl/boy friend dropped you ?

Has your girl/boy friend dropped you ?

Anyone who has gone through a breakup or divorce and has come out the other side with a broken heart, knows what we are talking about.

It can be a very painful experience!

One of the ways to help yourself to feel better and actually heal from a breakup or divorce is to begin to listen to what you are telling yourself. In other words, pay attention to your “self talk.”

Here are 5 ways to change 'self talk' to help you ease your pain from your breakup or divorce...

1. Become aware of what you are telling yourself.

Believe it or not, our houghts are habits that we've created along the way. For instance, there's the "guilt" set of thoughts, the "worry" set of thoughts, the "fear" set of thoughts, the "I'm always going to be alone" set of thoughts, the "nothing's wrong" set of thoughts or the "sunny outlook" set of thoughts--you get the idea.

2. Once you have become aware of your thoughts, decide the thoughts that make you feel better, easier about your situation and those that don't. Take a legal pad or notebook and at the top of the page, make 2 columns with these headings: "Feel better" and "Feel Worse."

Keep the legal pad or notebook where you can easily reach it. As thoughts come to you, write them down under one of those two categories. Do this long enough for you to see on paper, your patterns of thinking that are either helping you or pulling you down.

3. Identify one reoccurring thought or pattern that is bringing you pain and make the commitment to yourself to change it.
It could go something like this...

"I commit to changing my thoughts about how alone I am right now. I may not be with a partner right now but I don't have to constantly remind myself."

4. Chose a thought that is better.

Taking our example, this thought is probably not going to be that you are completely joyful, are with your perfect partner, or feel completely satisfied with your current situation. It may be that a better thought is that when a thought comes up about how alone you are, you change that thought to "I can call Bonnie or Carol and either talk with them or arrange to go to dinner or a movie."

5. Practice in each moment and break your habit.

Have you ever broken a habit? It takes being aware of what you are doing and then making a change in the moment. Your thought pattern is a habit and can be changed--but you have to believe the thought that you are changing to--and you have to practice it.

If feeling better is important to you, this is valuable information that will help you to move forward in your healing process from your breakup or divorce.

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